Checking In On the Parents
Waterbury Republican-American newspaper story quotes our Holly Bessoni-Lutz, Clinical Manager of Independent Living Services.
Checking in On the Parents
Services available if grown children find warning signs
December 13, 2009
Carrie MacMillen
Waterbury Republican-American
With the holiday season in full swing, many family members who live out of state will be visiting parents, grandparents and other loved ones they haven’t seen in months.
Sometimes, a lot can change with an elderly relative in that time. Mom might seem more forgetful. Dad’s medications might sit untouched. Grandma’s always immaculate home is perhaps cluttered or dirty.
None of these problems mean it’s time to consider sending them to a nursing home, but it might be worth exploring ways to get extra help around the house, especially if family members live far away and can’t check in on a regular basis. Numerous resources locally can help – the problem might be where to turn.
If a grown child visits their parents and notices they aren’t getting by well on their own, the first step should be to call their physician, said Chris Fishbein, director of the Western Connecticut Area Agency on Aging in Waterbury.
“You need to ask them what is happening and why mom or dad is leaving the stove on,” she said. “Step two would be to call us and see what services are available. They might be eligible for the Connecticut Home Care Program for Elders.”
Plus, right around now, many seniors are receiving notices in the mail about Medicare prescription drug changes. For questions on such matters, they can call CT CHOICES at (800) 994-9422.
Getting mom or dad to accept a little help isn’t always easy, however.
“Seniors are very proud and they often don’t want their kids to call and ask for any help,” Fishbein said. “But we remind them of the work and money they contributed to state tax dollars and that it’s now their turn to use money they paid into.”
If extra help is needed around the house, start off slowly, said Patricia Huff, founder and director of Guardian Angels Home Health Care Services.
“Two to three days a week you could have someone come in from 9 a.m. to 1 p.m. and they’ll get used to it and look forward to the company, "said Huff, whose agency is based in Cheshire and offers various in-home services throughout the state. Guardian Angels doesn’t administer medications, but can handle the day-to-day needs family members would do if they were available.
“We can assist with meal preparation, laundry, grocery shopping, doctor appointments and personal care,” Huff said. “We read to clients, do scrap-booking and other pleasurable things like going on a walk or maybe taking them on a short- or long-term care facility to visit a spouse.”
Many agencies, such as Guardian Angels, will also do free in-home assessments to determine if someone is at high risk for falling.
“You have to really check out not just someone’s mental capacity, but things like: Is the laundry downstairs n the basement and are they struggling to get down there?” Huff said.
Huff recommends finding a reputable agency that will be consistent, reliable and trustworthy.
“That can give out-of-state family peace of mind,” she said. “Interview the agency and ask questions about background checks they do for employees and what kind of training they do.”
Guardian Angels charges $57 for its minimum of three hours of companion and homemaker services.
Some long-term care insurance policies will cover the bill, she said.
Service from a Visiting Nurse Association is typically covered by primary insurance if it is assigned by a physician. If it becomes a chronic condition, long-term care insurance or state aide might cover it. VNA offers from two hours to 24 hours of care.
For just a companion, the fee is $17 an hour.
Holly Bessoni-Lutz, clinical manager for independent living services at VNA HealthCare in Waterbury, said she often gets calls around the holidays from concerned family.
“When people visit relatives they don’t see all the time, they rise to the occasion and function probably better than they usually do and they can fool you,” Bessoni-Lutz said. “So you might want to look for some subtle clues and do a little detective work as you go through the house. Is it being picked up? Are things where they should be? Is stuff accumulating? A pile of paperwork could be a sign that he or she is overwhelmed. Is there food in the fridge, are things in the cabinet outdated?
Also, examine the person.
“Are their clothes clean? Are they wearing the same thing three days in a row? Have their shower and towels been used?” Bessoni-Lutz asked. “Look at their personal items in the bathroom and make sure those are being used. Talk to other family members and friends discreetly. Ask what a typical day is like. If Mom says she is always up by 8, call her at 8 one day and see.”
